They Didn’t Deserve To Have Their Mouths Washed Out With Soap!

, , , , | Working | November 2, 2020

I don’t drink alcohol because I can’t stand the taste, but I’m not a huge fan of lemonade, either. Most of my friends are used to me ordering something weird when going out, like peppermint tea, for example. This happens when we’re at a new pub that serves almost exclusively beer, where the only non-alcoholic beverages are lemonade, water, or coffee. Obviously, I ask for…

Me: “Can I please have a glass of milk?”

It’s not even on the menu but, you know, they serve coffee. Five minutes and a nice but very confused waiter later, I have a large glass of cold milk. Fantastic, right?

At least, that’s what I think, until I take a sip. It tastes soapy. I take a closer look and notice it’s a bit foamy, too.

Me: *To my friends* “My milk tastes sort of soapy. Do your drinks taste strange to you?”

Some notice their beer tastes slightly off, too, but it’s hard to tell due to the strong taste. Since by now our waiter is incredibly busy, we go to the bar to complain. From there, we can look into the “kitchen” behind it… and we witness the staff there dunking used glasses into a sink with soap water, towelling them dry on the outside, and refilling them.

We immediately call them out on it. They barely listen to us, get defensive, and insist that the glasses are clean and that nobody besides us has ever complained. I find that hard to believe, until I realize they serve the lemonade in bottles. Nothing non-alcoholic — except my milk — is served in the glasses. By sheer coincidence, I ordered the one thing possible where the soapy taste would be really noticeable. Needless to say, we haven’t been back.

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That Is One Coked Up Family

, , , | Right | October 29, 2020

During lockdown, every item is limited to three per transaction to stop bulk purchases and ration out stock.

Customer: “How many two-litre bottles of coke can I have.”

Me: “Only three.”

Customer: “But there are four people in our house!”

One bottle has eight servings.

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Mama’s Moldy Marmalade Makes Me Mad

, , , , | Related | October 29, 2020

This takes place quite a few years ago when my husband and I have been married for less than a year, and we’re visiting his parents for a weekend. His mother uses copious amounts of salt in her cooking and likes “old-fashioned” food — casseroles, dumplings, steamed puddings, and the like. I’ve always thought her food had a weird taste, and this particular weekend I find out why. We’re sitting at the table eating a full English breakfast.

Husband: “I’ve just used the last of the butter.”

Mother-In-Law: “There’s more in the fridge.”

Me: “I can get it.”

I’m nearest to the kitchen door.

Mother-In-Law: “Make sure you get the oldest one.”

Me: “Um… okay?”

I go to the fridge to find no less than five packs of butter. Three are in date but two are out of date, one by over two months. I bring the oldest of the in-date packs.

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, no, dear, that’s the wrong one.”

Me: “The others are out of date.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, don’t take any notice of that.”

She takes the in-date butter back to the kitchen and brings back the old, expired, funky-tasting butter for our toast. I decide I don’t really need any more toast right now.

After the meal, I help to clear up. There is marmalade in a bowl on the table. My mother-in-law asks me to spoon the leftovers back into the jar — the jar which had a ring of green mould around the rim.

Me: “This is mouldy!”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, that’s fine. I scrape off any green bits when I serve it up.”

I pick up the frying pan with the oil from frying the eggs.

Mother-In-Law: “Just leave that on the stove; the lid’s in the cupboard.”

Me: *Pause* “Pardon?”

Mother-In-Law: “Pop the lid on; keep it fresh.”

It was then I discovered that the pan sits on the stove more or less permanently. The lid “keeps it fresh” and the oil is topped up whenever it gets low. It has never, to my knowledge, been washed… and we’ve now been married fifteen years.

My husband has since realised that his parents don’t have the healthiest outlook on food, but he won’t “rock the boat” and when we visit he will happily eat anything they serve. I have cereal for breakfast, and I’m sure my mother-in-law thinks I’m a fussy eater because I take a cautious bite of my food and leave anything that doesn’t taste quite right. I usually have a stash of cereal bars and chocolate in my overnight bag.

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Don’t Expose People To Your Unhealthy Attitude

, , , , , , , | Working | October 28, 2020

Due to the global health crisis, our management team is required to take turns at the security gates of our mine and use a thermal camera to take temperatures of anyone entering the property. We also have to ask two questions: “Do you have any [illness] symptoms?” and “Have you been exposed to anyone with the [illness]?”

I’m assigned to the gate one morning, and around 5:00 am, a mechanic rolls up in a service truck with a smirk on his face.

Me: “Do you have any [illness] symptoms?”

Mechanic: “No.”

Me: “Have you been exposed to anyone with the [illness]?”

Mechanic: *With attitude* “I don’t know. How does anybody know if they’re exposed at the grocery store or gas station?”

This isn’t the first bit of attitude I’ve taken about these checks, and I’m pretty sick of it.

Me: “I’m scheduled here until 6:30. I can wait until you give me the answer I need. If you have a problem with the question, we can call your supervisor and HR to have a discussion.”  

Mechanic: “Umm, no. No exposure.”

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Allergic To Common Sense, Part 17

, , , , , , | Right | October 27, 2020

I have the very unfortunate luck to have bad seasonal allergies during this world health crisis.

I need to run some errands that my grandma normally does, but it’s safer for me to go, instead. Today, my allergies are especially bad, even with my medication, but it’s my day off of work so I gotta tough it out.

I’m at the grocery store — with a mask on, of course — when a woman walks by me with a strong-smelling perfume. Certain scents bother me a lot, and lucky me, this is one of those. I start to have a sneezing attack. Yes, I’m sneezing into my elbow. When I finish, I notice that the same woman is glaring at me — without a mask, might I add.

Smelly Perfume Woman: *Sharply* “If you’re sick, stay home.”

Me: *Caught off guard* “I have allergies. I’m not sick.”

Smelly Perfume Woman: “And I’m the Queen of England. Leave.”

Me: “After I finish my shopping.” 

I briskly walk down a random aisle in order to get away before her perfume causes me to sneeze again. I think that’s the end of it. I finish my shopping and check out, no problem. While loading into my car, I end up sneezing again. Who’s walking by but [Smelly Perfume Woman]? Just my luck.

Smelly Perfume Woman: “Why the h*** are you still here?! You’ll infect us all.”

Me: “Says the person who’s not wearing a mask.”

Smelly Perfume Woman: “I have a medical condition!”

Me: *Under my breath* “Last time I checked, stupidity isn’t a medical condition.”

Smelly Perfume Woman: *Snapping* “You need to go home if you’re sick!”

She turns her nose up and struts off, leaving me with a raised eyebrow.

Me: “That really just happened.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 16
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 15
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 14
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 13
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 12

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