She Who Shall Not Be Named

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2020

I am working at a coffee shop when a middle-aged woman orders a rather simple drink. She steps aside to let the next customer, also a middle-aged woman, give her order.

Customer #2: “Hi, can I have [same as Customer #1]?”

Me: “Sure, can I have your name, please?”

[Customer #2] provides her name. I write the name down on an empty cup. When the drinks are ready, I have them out behind the plastic barrier. I hand the two women their drinks separately. The second woman looks at the drink in her hands and frowns.

Customer #2: “Excuse me, but that’s incredibly rude of you!”

Me: *Confused* “Sorry?”

Customer #2: “You d*** well should be! I haven’t been snappy, or rude, or anything but polite to you and you call me this?

She almost slams the cup against the plastic, spilling some of the drink. I immediately see the problem and I start to explain.

Me: “I’m sorry if you see it that way, but—”

Customer #2: “You should be sorry! There is no excuse for you to even suggest being so stereotypical just because I happen to be a white, middle-aged woman!”

[Customer #1] is clocking on to what the woman is saying.

Customer #1: “That was my drink.”

Customer #2: “Your drink?”

Customer #1: “Yes. My name’s Karen.”

Note that she pronounces the name “Car-run’ in the Scandinavian way rather than the English “Ceh-ren.”

Customer #2: *Smugly* “No, sweetie. It’s ‘Ceh-ren’ and this b**** was insulting me. There’s no need to make excuses.” *To me* “I want to speak to your manager!”

Customer #1: “For heaven’s sake, I’ll pay for your stupid drink!”

She slams a fiver onto the counter, which more than covers the cost of the first customer’s drink.

Customer #2: *To [Customer #1], rather crossly* Thanks.”

Facing me, she pointed the tips of her fingers to her eyes and then back at me, scowling at me as she left.

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You WHAT?!

, , , , , | Working | October 9, 2020

I am a female cashier. Customers can collect bonus points when they buy things. Their accounts are not always easy to find, especially if they use nicknames.

Customer: “My account is under Richard [Last Name].”

Me: “Hm… Sorry, I don’t have a Richard [Last Name].”

Customer: “Oh, look again. I am in there.”

Me: “Hm… No luck. I just don’t see Richard in the system.”

The customer is getting frustrated at this point and I really am doing my best to find his account. Finally, I see an account with the customer’s last name, but the first name on the account is under the nickname Dick instead of Richard. Very excited to have found the account, I blurt out very loudly:

Me: “I HAVE A DICK!”

I turn quite red before I even finish that sentence, but Richard doesn’t bat an eye and just nods.

Customer: “Yeah, that’s me.”

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Arya Confused?

, , , | Working | October 7, 2020

I work at a pool as a lifeguard and I have a pretty unique name. It’s not really crazy or weird but unique enough I’m the only one with that name on staff. Recently, my name has become popular and a lot of parents are now naming their children my name. This leads to some confusing moments, but the best involves a girl in diving camp who shares my name. She rarely listens, so they call after her a lot, but this moment took the cake. For the sake of this story, we’ll pretend my name is Arya. 

The girl in question has just wandered off from her group and has walked past me while I’m guarding. I notice her but I assume she has to go to the bathroom. Because I haven’t seen her before, I don’t realize she has the same name as me. When the instructor — my coworker — notices she is gone, he looks up and sees her. 

Coworker: “ARYA!”

Because he has to look in my direction when he’s calling out to her, I think he’s talking to me. 

Me: “Yes?”

Coworker: “ARYA!”

Me: “Yeah, what’s up?” 

Coworker: “ARYA!” 

Me: “Yes, [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “ARYA!”

Me: “WHAT?”

Coworker: “ARYA!”

Me: “[COWORKER], I AM LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU!”

That’s when my coworker realizes I’ve been yelling back to him and starts laughing.

Coworker: “No, not you. Her: the other Arya. She can’t leave yet.”

I then realize what’s been happening and call out after the girl.

Me: “OH! HEY, ME! GET BACK HERE!”

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In A Name Jam(ie)

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2020

This is how my morning begins.

Customer: “I got this the other day and they told me that I need to come back today to return this.”

Me: “Right. So, what are you returning, again?”

Customer: “I returned the phone already.”

Me: “Pardon, but I don’t think I’m understanding what you need.”

Customer: “The case! I need to return the case.”

Me: “All right. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the phone number associated with the account?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “All right. What’s the name associated with the account?”

Customer: “My name.”

Me: “So, what’s that?”

Customer: “[Jay][Mee] [Last Name].”

Me: “Mind spelling your first name, please?”

Customer: “J-I-A-M-E.”

Me: “Sorry, that’s not coming up.”

Customer: “J-A-M-E.”

Me: “What? Can I just see your ID?”

The customer handed me an ID, and it clearly stated “J-A-I-M-E.” I’ll never be getting those brain cells back. How is it that people cannot spell their own names?

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A Burger Delivered By Any Other Name…

, , , , , , , | Working | September 17, 2020

My brother loves biking and is looking to earn some extra money, so he signs up for a food delivery app aimed at bicyclists. Another delivery app gets more orders but is intended for people with cars. He decides to sign up anyway and just bike the orders, but he has to use his girlfriend’s driver’s license to validate it as he doesn’t have one. When speaking with customers, he uses a masculine name one letter off — so a plausible typo — from her name, which is displayed on their screen. He often works both apps at the same time.

One day, my brother is delivering an order to an apartment building where he needs to be buzzed in. He calls the customer.

Brother: “Hi, this is [Brother] from [Delivery Service #1].”

Customer: “I didn’t order anything from [Delivery Service #1]?”

Brother: “Oops, I mean this is [Girlfriend’s Name Slightly Altered] from [Delivery Service #2].”

Customer: “…”

The customer still let him in, despite using two completely different names, neither of which was actually the name on the app!

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