Stories about breaking the law!

She’s Trying To Make A Chicken Run

, , , , , | Legal | October 31, 2020

I’m an animal person, especially with dogs, cats, and farm birds. I own more than a dozen chickens: four Brahmas, five Australorps, three Golden Wyandotte’s, and a Barred Rock.

I am just hanging out with the chickens, sitting on some ‘clean’ grass as they climbed all over me and dug up loose dirt for dust baths. I look up, and see a strange woman outside the chicken run, someone I had never seen before.

Woman: “I love your chickens!”

Me: “Well, thank you.”

I have a soft spot for my girls, so when they get compliments, my pride gets swollen.

Woman: “I wish I had some of my own.”

She enters the run and leans down to pet the social one.

Woman: “Are you open to selling any?”

I’m a little insulted, as they are like my children, but I brush it off.

Me: “No, sorry.”

Woman: *Ticked off* “Why not?”

Me: “I’ve raised them since they were chicks, and they are like family to me.”

Woman: “They’re just chickens! They can’t reciprocate feelings!”

She picks up my social chicken by her neck and tail, which makes her panic and sends another chicken into a frenzy, who proceeds to attack the woman. The social chicken is dropped and runs to me, hopping into my arms to calm down.

Me: “What was that you said about feelings?”

Visibly pissed, she grabs one of the Brahmas and tries to leave.

Me: “Oh, no you don’t!”

With the help of my attacking chicken, I grab the Brahma from her and comfort her.

Woman: “How dare you! I demand that you give me that bird!”

Me: “No. The only thing I should give you is a good punch in the face.”

My anger is leaking into chicken, who purrs angrily and puffs up her feathers.

Woman: *Takes out her phone.* “I’m calling the police!”

Me: “Fine. We’ll see who gets arrested.”

After a few minutes of this woman screaming and my parents asking about the situation, the police arrive. It’s just one officer, but I recognize him from a protest at school last year.

Officer: “What seems to be the problem?”

Woman: “He had his chickens attack me! Look!”

She holds her arm out to show him the marks my chicken made.

Officer: “Uh-huh. Is that true, sir?”

I speak calmly, still comforting my poor Brahma.

Me: “No. She tried to steal my chicken.”

Woman: “That is not true!”

Officer: “Ma’am, I’ll be with you in a moment. I need to talk to him alone.”

She wants to argue, but is scared off by my still-angry, who squawks at her. I give my statement to him, and he asks if I want to press charges since I’m an adult.

Me: “Only if she refuses to never come back.”

He leaves to talk with her, and I soon hear shouting. Something about freedom and rights. However, the silence returns, and I soon hear her car speeding off. The officer returns.

Officer: “She won’t be coming back, but we’ll be keeping an eye on her.”

After a little more talking, he leaves, and I’m able to calm the chickens down. Talk about a crazy afternoon!

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Nailed It… Kind Of

, , , , , | Legal | October 30, 2020

My father is in a wheelchair, and our next-door neighbor is a very bigoted man. He calls my father lazy, mentally r******d, stupid, alcoholic, and derogatory terms for Native Americans.

One day, my father and I are on our porch enjoying the sunshine when our neighbor appears on his doorstep and shouts across the yard to us.

Neighbor: “Go back inside, you lazy r*****!”

Father: “This is my property, [Neighbor]. I’ll do what I please.”

Neighbor: “I said go back inside!”

Father: “Or you’ll what?”

Neighbor: “I’ll shoot you!”

Father: “Go ahead. I’ve got a nail gun. [My Name] is pretty good with a rifle. He can shoot you in the scrotum in the two seconds it takes for you to go back inside your house and never speak to us again.”

The neighbor went back inside.

A few minutes later, a cop car showed up, and he got out and spoke with our neighbor. Then they came to our house for our side of the story, and I showed them the video footage of our neighbor coming out and insulting us and threatening my dad. Both the neighbor and my dad were arrested and both were charged with threatening with a deadly weapon, but my neighbor also got charged with discrimination and harassment, and he confessed to planning to poison our dog with bleach. He’ll be serving time longer than my dad will be.

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Thank Goodness Some Criminals Are Stupid

, , , , , , | Legal | October 30, 2020

We recently hired a few new employees. One of them seems a little fishy to us from the beginning, but we assume it’s just his personality and he will find his place in our team someday.

Soon after that, we have several occasions where money is missing from the tills. First, we think one of the new employees is still unsure while cashiering and makes mistakes in giving change, and we talk to all of them.

At this point, I have to note something. In our bakery, we each have our own account on the tills so they can be used simultaneously by several employees, but we all share the same four tills, constantly switching between them, which means we’re not able to point out at what point the money went missing. It could be mistakes after all and it could have been anyone.

Still, the company has the stupid rule that it’s only the employees who were closing those days who have to sign the reports of missing money.

After the fourth time, we start getting suspicious, because the aforementioned new employee is the only one who was present on all of the occasions. Yet we can’t prove anything, as we don’t have cameras.

After the fifth time, the accounting department puts us on counting probation, which means we have to assign each present employee one till and count it before they leave, so it will become obvious if someone doesn’t have the amount that should be there. However, our new employee’s till comes up spotless every time.

At about the same time of that fifth incident, another location calls us for help; they have several employees out sick and have a bunch of shifts that need to be covered. The new employee and I each get assigned a few shifts. On my first shift there, I spot the manager on duty running around frantically, checking cash logs and talking on the phone with what I assume is the accounting department. After he hangs up:

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Manager: “We had close to 100€ missing from the tills two days ago and it was me closing that day, which means I have to sign that stupid form. But I’m thinking someone might have been stupid or out of it enough to have a customer pay with a 10€ note and give them change for 100€, so I was trying to find who entered they took a 100€ into the system that day. I called accounting and they said [Long-Term Employee of their location] and [Aforementioned New Employee] took 100€ notes that day. He is from your location, right?”

Me: “Yes… and you know what? We’ve had five incidents of missing money of varying amounts this month alone, too. We’re even on counting probation now. And [New Employee] was the only one who was present on all of those days. I think I need to talk to [My Boss].”

When I’m back at my own location, I tell my boss about what happened on the shift I covered. She calls accounting, too.

The employee was let go a week later after he had an appointment with my boss and someone from the accounting department, who managed to have him confess he stole close to 400€ by pocketing it because he thought no one would notice, as we all shared the same tills and didn’t count the money in store.

If he hadn’t been stupid enough to steal at another location, we probably wouldn’t have realized this for a long time. After a while of everything being fine, the probation would have been dropped again and there wouldn’t be anything to prove. The employee in question took this job to pay for his college degree — in business administration. Sometimes I really fear for our future.

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Play Stupid Games, Others Win Terrible Prizes

, , , , , | Legal | October 28, 2020

When you drive articulated lorries for a living, swapping trailers is a normal part of the job, often taking a different trailer that’s been left standing somewhere, but occasionally live-swapping with another driver. 

The intended order of things when uncoupling a trailer is trailer park brake on, landing legs wound down, air and electrical lines disconnected, and then the fifth wheel coupling — that links the trailers “kingpin” to the tractor unit — is released and you can drive off, leaving the trailer where it is.

I am doing a live-swap with another driver because he doesn’t have enough working time left to make the delivery today, but I do. I meet him on an industrial estate on a road that has a mild incline with him further up the hill than me.

I’ve just wound my trailer’s legs down and am at the rear of the tractor unit undoing the lines when I hear a loud bang.

Other Driver: “F***! F***! F***!”

A second later, I am thrown hard into the front of the trailer and knocked out.

I wake up in hospital several days later:

Doctor: “You’ve fractured your skull and suffered a major brain bleed.”

I am in hospital for a further week before being released.

What transpired — and was caught by my lorry’s dashcam — was that the other driver had, for whatever reason decided to release the fifth wheel coupling before doing anything else and his frantic swearing was him releasing thirty tons of loaded trailer to roll off down the hill.

My tractor unit was a total write off from the damage but really, it’s fortunate I “caught” it before it really picked up speed, because if it had made it to the bottom of the road, it would have smashed through an office building and almost certainly killed someone.

The other driver was fired and brought before the traffic commission. He was stripped of his HGV licenses for the incident. He also faced criminal charges for reckless endangerment and destruction of property and is currently serving his sentence at the time of this posting. 

I’ve since made a full recovery.

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Strap In For Some Petty Revenge

, , , , | Legal | October 26, 2020

In high school, I am good friends with a guy whose family is military. They live in military housing on the base in town. The housing itself is outside the base proper, but the property itself is still considered part of the base and is patrolled by the Military Police rather than the local cops.

I am going over to visit my friend at his house one evening, and as we are both too young to get licenses of our own yet, I have my dad drive me out. Upon getting into the car, he discovers his seat belt is broken. It’s not great, but there’s not much that can be done about it, as by this time of the evening, the repair shops have all closed. So, he basically just shrugs.

Dad: “I’ll get it fixed tomorrow.”

He drives me to my friend’s house and drops me off, and then goes home. As it happens, on his way off the base, he comes to a Military Police roadblock.

Military Police: “Sir, may I ask why you’re not wearing your seat belt?”

Dad: “I just discovered tonight that it was broken. I’m going to take it into the shop tomorrow and have it fixed.”

Military Police: “Well, sir, you’re driving without a seat belt. I’m going to write you a ticket.”

Dad: “I just told you it only broke tonight. Can’t you just write me a repair slip?”

Military Police: “If you don’t like this, sir, feel free to dispute the ticket in court.”

At this, she hands my dad his ticket and walks smugly away, convinced that she’s gotten the better of him.

Several weeks later, my dad has indeed disputed the ticket and is appearing in court for the pretrial.

Judge: “All right, Mr. [Dad’s Last Name], you’re disputing this ticket for a broken seat belt. You understand all your rights and responsibilities in this regard?”

Dad: “Yes, I do.”

Judge: “And would you like to be tried by judge or by jury?”

Dad: “I would like a trial in front of a jury, please.”

At this, the Crown Prosecutor steps over to my dad.

Crown Prosecutor: “Mr. [Dad’s Last Name], do you realize how much expense the Crown would have to go to in order to convene a jury over a broken seat belt?”

Dad: *Smugly* “Yep.”

There is a long pause.

Crown Prosecutor: “Let me speak to the judge.”

Long story short, the Crown Prosecutor, who was supposed to be ensuring my dad had to pay the ticket, went to the judge and got the case thrown out. My dad didn’t have to pay a cent.

And incidentally, the seat belt was fixed first thing the morning after he first got the ticket.

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